Keeping Watch

Ever vigilant on our posts Mike and I stand watch for marauding kitties and suspicious UPS and Fed Ex drivers. I can’t help it – I get riled up as soon as I hear those truck’s air brake sound in the neighborhood. I will never forgive those who ring the bell and scamper away!

I have Mike well trained on when to bark. Sometimes I like to mess with him and just start barking when there is nothing there – and he will join in. He just trusts me that there must be something out there! Young dogs, so easily fooled!dscn2887dscn28831keeping-watch

Happy Schnolidays 2013!

This was originally posted on the Schnauzer Snips page on the tierneycreates blog on 12/16/2013 

My brother and I were forced to take this photo in front of our humans’ insane schnauzer-themed Christmas tree. Naturally there was bonus humiliation involved: I had to wear jingle bells and my brother Snickers had to wear a very embarrassing fake holly collar. Snickers and I are thinking about setting up a our own little tree with little goofy humans dangling from it and sneaking these collars on our humans while they sleep (then they would understand the madness).

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I am trying embrace the holiday spirit, however December seems to be a time when I have to endure increased sightings the TRUCK and the annoying PEOPLE IN SHORTS in my neighborhood. My human refers to these abominations as “UPS” and tells me to “calm down they are just delivering packages to our neighbors”. I am not sure what this UPS is up to, but it is a good thing the rare occasion they come to our house (and ring the door and run away) that our door is locked and I cannot maul them. What pranksters – going around leaving things on doorsteps, ringing the door bell and slinking off. I give the front window a master body slam and bark and growl my head off – they know not to try and bring their suspicious packages inside my house!

Something I do really like about the holidays – the high quality and quantity of food that falls to the floor. My role in the household is to keep the kitchen floor clean of food scraps (why won’t more bacon fall to the floor?). During the holiday season my humans are frantically cooking and entertaining and become delightfully sloppy in the kitchen. My humans call it “floor-basing”  as I scour the floor to keep it clean. I hope they appreciate my hard work.

Enjoy the season and make sure you only drop appropriate and safe food on the floor for your furry family members. Below is a link to the ASPCA’s list of foods that are hazardous to dogs (thank goodness bacon is not on this list!)

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/dog-behavior/foods-are-hazardous-dogs

Update 12/29/2013

Overall I think the “Schnolidays” went well.

My humans had a huge Christmas Eve potluck at their house and there were a couple of semi-messy guests who attended so I was able to score some holiday food when I “floor-based”/”pre-cleaned” the kitchen area.

I kept trying to weave between their legs in the kitchen and trip them when they had plates full of food. Unfortunately they were a fairly agile and coordinated group. I need my humans to have a party where they only invite humans with vertigo and equilibrium issues.

I might use one of my famous “schnauzer stares” (similar to a Vulcan Mind-Meld) to convince my humans to have such a party…

Life with My Arch-Nemesis: Black Kitty

I want to talk about my arch-nemesis, the very bane of my existence: Black Kitty.

Black Kitty is an apparently feral cat that roams my front yard from dawn till dusk.  My human family has set up the “Natural Selection Convention” in our front yard: we have numerous bird feeders luring innocent birds for a snack; and numerous neighborhood  cats who come to “visit” with the birds while they attempt to eat. Black Kitty, who thinks he is very stealth, hides under the foliage in the front yard waiting for an unsuspecting bird to peck by. I have found feathers in our yard from his clueless victims. Even worse than the “Natural Selection Convention” is the “Bird Head Injury Window”. Our front window has wooden blinds and to me (who likes to poke the individual slats out of place) it seems very clear that the window is a stopping point for anyone going forward. Alas, many birds appear to not realize you cannot keep flying through a window, and they hit it at full speed –  POW – they drop to the porch, dazed. Black Kitty keeps an eye on the porch all day watching for birdie head injury victims, which he runs over and scoops up.

I watch Black Kitty and his shenanigans all day long out the front window, it is my primary job in my family (though my humans get annoyed when they have to continually clear my paw prints off the window). All day long he stares at me and mocks me whenever he gets the chance.

This week, Black Kitty made a bold move. Usually when my human takes my brother and me for a walk, Black Kitty relocates away from our front porch area to a safer location (could it be my vicious growling that makes him move??!?!?) Black Kitty however did not move when I went to walk by this week – he boldly stood there, daring me to bite off his nose as I came within inches of his hideous face. I decided not to maul him since my human was with me and I suspected his claws are sharper than mine. Now I must struggle with the terrible realization that I have failed to strike fear and sheer terror into the heart of Black Kitty.  He may no longer take seriously my continual body slamming against the window when he nears, oh no!

Here is a photo of me waiting for my human to take me on a walk, as I watch Black Kitty carefully from the screen door.

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I am Sassy, ever vigilant cat-watcher!