Humans Training Tips

This post is for canines living with homo sapiens (aka “humans”). I know the humans refer to you as their “pets” or your “owners”, but let’s be honest – who really owns who?

I already have a series of posts I have tagged as Managing Humans. But I thought I would  summarize for you some of my top three (3) tips for training humans to meet your needs.

Tip #1: Panting

Recently I was diagnoses with hypothyroidism and I went on thyroid meds. I am feeling better and stopped having those strange seizures I was allegedly having in the evening (I do not remember them, just that I was sore and confused).

Before I went on my thyroid meds I was panting a lot. Now that I am on my meds I do not need to pant as much but I have noticed that if I start panting, I can immediately get a human’s attention and concern.

I got put on a low fat diet because of some lab test results (I think they were faked by the suspicious vet office to sell my humans low fat food) and I am not pleased as the humans have cut back on any special table scrap treats (I need bacon to live!!!).

However I used my panting to get them to make some rice (I love rice) to add as a treat to my very boring low fat dog food (who came up with the idea of “dog food”, why can’t we just eat as our humans eat?).

Tip #2: Staring

Staring is a powerful tool to train humans to meet your needs. Mine is called the “Schnauzer Stare” but even if you are not a schnauzer you can perfect this. Breeds such as labs and golden retriever will struggle with this, as when they stare at their humans they will only look cuter (especially golden) and the humans will not realize the purpose of the stare. (However see Tip #3 as “cuteness” can also be a powerful tool to train humans).

When I really want to emphasize the power of my stare, I will shift my weight back and forth on my front lets, to demonstrate my impatience that the human is not doing what I want them to do.

Never underestimate the power of the stare

A proper stare should actually feel like a glare, especially if time is passing and the human(s) are not abiding your wishes.

Tip #3: Doing Cute Things

The third and sometimes the most powerful tip is to do something cute. Well something the humans find cute.

Have you ever wondered why puppies are not smothered in their sleep by humans? Even after they pee and poop everywhere, chew up their shoes, etc? It is the power of CUTENESS.

If you can elicit an “Awwwwwwwwww” from your humans, you got them hooked!

Here is a photo of one of my classic cute poses used to control my humans:

My humans become putty in my paws when I do stuff like this.

I hope these tips helped you. Start slow and build. In the future we will move to more advanced human training techniques.

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Featured image credit: Chalkboard by BSK, free images.com