Inappropriate Use of a Schnauzer

Thought I would share something from my Schnauzer Snips archives today from September 2016….

Schnauzer Snips

I was sitting on my female human’s lap the other night and looking through old photos on her computer. She started laughing when she came upon this photo:

12909536_10205958640224732_6762399562662258914_oYes that is me with “kleenex” stuffed into my collar.

Here is what happened: Last Spring, my female human’s allergies were acting up big time with the change in weather in Central Oregon (lots of Spring pollen) and so my female human asked my male human to hand her some “kleenex”.

He felt that since one of my hobbies is sitting close to and staring at my female human (it is one of the techniques I use to manage her), I should also be her tissue dispenser!

So my male human loaded my collar (or necklace as I prefer they call it) with “kleenex” so my female human could have easy access to tissues as I stare at her.

Highly…

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Learning Bad Habits?

My male human just got his first “smartphone” (not sure why humans call them that). Previously he was likely the last human on earth with a flip phone. My female human made fun of him. When she got a new smartphone, she convinced him to trade in his flip phone for her old smartphone.

Now he has discovered “phone games” and he is teaching them to me:

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The time I spend with my male human playing game with him is our private time. You will see below I am a little annoyed with my female human for interrupting us with her incessant photography (documenting my extreme cuteness as usual…)

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I am not quite sure what I am doing on the “phone game” but I play along as I like snuggling with my male human (don’t worry this is just part of my overall strategy for human management, I am not growing soft or anything).


Postscript

Speaking of growing soft, I am having a little issue related to side effects from my new medication.

Let me back up: If you remember from a previous post, I was allegedly having seizures (I do not remember them but my humans say they were happening, I just remember being sore and confused) and it was discovered I had hypothyroidism.

I went on thyroid meds and started feeling better right away. Unfortunately a couple weeks later I started having seizures again. I ended up having to go on an anti-seizure medication, Keppra.

I am doing great on the medication, no more seizures, but I am dealing with a HUGE SIDE EFFECT: it is making me mellow and cuddly. So cuddly, against my better judgement, I ended up cuddling with my adopted brother Mike and even cleaning his ear (yuck, obviously I was in a drug-induced fog)!

Of course my human captured photos of this ghastly event:

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I quickly came to my senses after a couple ear-cleaning licks and you will see in the photo below I had to give my female human with the camera and irritated glare:

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Sigh, must everything be documented??!?!?!

 

Pets on Quilts 2017

I do not consider myself a “pet”, I am a “fur-person” but I am going to participate in this blog contest held by Lilypad Quilting called “Pets on Quilts 2017“.

My human, tierneycreates‘, blogging buddy Abbie at Sparkle On, entered the contest with some…cat. So now I need to enter to ensure that canines are properly represented!

I was looking through photos of me on quilts with my female human (she is better with the laptop than I am) and at first I thought about entering one of these photos below, of me being exceptionally cute (as usual) with a quilt(s):

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In the one above, I am being exceptionally cute!

But then I decided, I would not just make it about me and looked through some photos of my adopted brother Mike on quilts, and decided this is the one we will enter:

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It was one of those very rare occasions when my female human manages to take a really decent photo!

Humans Training Tips

chalkboard-1186852-1279x980-2.jpgThis post is for canines living with homo sapiens (aka “humans”). I know the humans refer to you as their “pets” or your “owners”, but let’s be honest – who really owns who?

I already have a series of posts I have tagged as Managing Humans. But I thought I would  summarize for you some of my top three (3) tips for training humans to meet your needs.

Tip #1: Panting

Recently I was diagnoses with hypothyroidism and I went on thyroid meds. I am feeling better and stopped having those strange seizures I was allegedly having in the evening (I do not remember them, just that I was sore and confused).

Before I went on my thyroid meds I was panting a lot. Now that I am on my meds I do not need to pant as much but I have noticed that if I start panting, I can immediately get a human’s attention and concern.

I got put on a low fat diet because of some lab test results (I think they were faked by the suspicious vet office to sell my humans low fat food) and I am not pleased as the humans have cut back on any special table scrap treats (I need bacon to live!!!).

However I used my panting to get them to make some rice (I love rice) to add as a treat to my very boring low fat dog food (who came up with the idea of “dog food”, why can’t we just eat as our humans eat?).

Tip #2: Staring

Staring is a powerful tool to train humans to meet your needs. Mine is called the “Schnauzer Stare” but even if you are not a schnauzer you can perfect this. Breeds such as labs and golden retriever will struggle with this, as when they stare at their humans they will only look cuter (especially golden) and the humans will not realize the purpose of the stare. (However see Tip #3 as “cuteness” can also be a powerful tool to train humans).

When I really want to emphasize the power of my stare, I will shift my weight back and forth on my front lets, to demonstrate my impatience that the human is not doing what I want them to do.

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Never underestimate the power of the stare

A proper stare should actually feel like a glare, especially if time is passing and the human(s) are not abiding your wishes.

Tip #3: Doing Cute Things

The third and sometimes the most powerful tip is to do something cute. Well something the humans find cute.

Have you ever wondered why puppies are not smothered in their sleep by humans? Even after they pee and poop everywhere, chew up their shoes, etc? It is the power of CUTENESS.

If you can elicit an “Awwwwwwwwww” from your humans, you got them hooked!

Here is a photo of one of my classic cute poses used to control my humans:

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My humans become putty in my paws when I do stuff like this.

I hope these tips helped you. Start slow and build. In the future we will move to more advanced human training techniques.


Featured image credit: Chalkboard by BSK, free images.com