Happy Schnolidays 2013!

This was originally posted on the Schnauzer Snips page on the tierneycreates blog on 12/16/2013 

My brother and I were forced to take this photo in front of our humans’ insane schnauzer-themed Christmas tree. Naturally there was bonus humiliation involved: I had to wear jingle bells and my brother Snickers had to wear a very embarrassing fake holly collar. Snickers and I are thinking about setting up a our own little tree with little goofy humans dangling from it and sneaking these collars on our humans while they sleep (then they would understand the madness).

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I am trying embrace the holiday spirit, however December seems to be a time when I have to endure increased sightings the TRUCK and the annoying PEOPLE IN SHORTS in my neighborhood. My human refers to these abominations as “UPS” and tells me to “calm down they are just delivering packages to our neighbors”. I am not sure what this UPS is up to, but it is a good thing the rare occasion they come to our house (and ring the door and run away) that our door is locked and I cannot maul them. What pranksters – going around leaving things on doorsteps, ringing the door bell and slinking off. I give the front window a master body slam and bark and growl my head off – they know not to try and bring their suspicious packages inside my house!

Something I do really like about the holidays – the high quality and quantity of food that falls to the floor. My role in the household is to keep the kitchen floor clean of food scraps (why won’t more bacon fall to the floor?). During the holiday season my humans are frantically cooking and entertaining and become delightfully sloppy in the kitchen. My humans call it “floor-basing”  as I scour the floor to keep it clean. I hope they appreciate my hard work.

Enjoy the season and make sure you only drop appropriate and safe food on the floor for your furry family members. Below is a link to the ASPCA’s list of foods that are hazardous to dogs (thank goodness bacon is not on this list!)

http://www.aspca.org/pet-care/virtual-pet-behaviorist/dog-behavior/foods-are-hazardous-dogs

Update 12/29/2013

Overall I think the “Schnolidays” went well.

My humans had a huge Christmas Eve potluck at their house and there were a couple of semi-messy guests who attended so I was able to score some holiday food when I “floor-based”/”pre-cleaned” the kitchen area.

I kept trying to weave between their legs in the kitchen and trip them when they had plates full of food. Unfortunately they were a fairly agile and coordinated group. I need my humans to have a party where they only invite humans with vertigo and equilibrium issues.

I might use one of my famous “schnauzer stares” (similar to a Vulcan Mind-Meld) to convince my humans to have such a party…

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