Humans are Okay (if they provide treats)

Originally posted on the Schnauzer Snips page on the tierneycreates blog on 11/18/2013 

I hope last week’s post did not scare my human readers. I have become bored with plans for world domination, as it will take time away from napping. Next week I would like to discuss my new obsession: taking out the Fed Ex and UPS trucks. This week, however, let’s keep it positive and focus on why I like humans: because they know where to get treats and provide them on a semi-regular basis (hourly would be more of an acceptable regular basis but I will settle with several times a day).

Speaking a treats, my human likes to cook and makes my brother Snickers and me homemade dog biscuits.  I wanted to share her recipe below to encourage other humans to bake for their dogs…regularly.

SCHNAUZER SNACKS

(Everyday Dog Biscuits)

2 tsp dry yeast

½ cup lukewarm water

2 Tbsp dried parsley

1.5 cups chicken broth

3 Tbsp honey or molasses

1 egg

5-6 cups whole wheat flour

  1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
  2. In a large bowl, dissolve yeast in warm water. Stir in the parsley, broth, honey or molasses, and egg. Gradually blend in flour, adding enough to form a stiff dough.
  3. Transfer to a floured surface and knead until smooth (about 3-5 minutes). Shape the dough into a ball and roll to ¼ inch thick.  Using small hone shaped cookie cutters, make biscuits. Transfer to a greased baking sheet, spacing them about ¼ inch apart. Gather up scraps, roll out again and cut additional biscuits.
  4. Bake for 30 minutes. Remove from oven and turn over. Bake for an additional 15 minutes, or until lightly browned on both sides.  Turn off the oven and let the biscuits cool in the oven several hours of overnight.
  5. Makes several dozen small treats!
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I secretly love my humans so much I fall asleep on their feet (especially once my tummy is full with homemade dogs biscuits!)

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Plans for Miniature Schnauzer World Domination

Originally posted 11/11/2013 on tierneycreates.com

Did the title of this week’s post make all you human nervous? It should. However it seems like many of you support the plans I will discuss in a moment.

14 of you have responded so far to the poll: Should dogs rule the world?  7 of you agree that the world would better run by dogs; 1 of you does not agree; and 6 of you are unable to make up your mind, which means I can easily sway you to our cause. Miniature schnauzers have an uncanny ability to sway humans to their wishes.

Making Plans/Plotting our Strategy

This is why my miniature schnauzers friends and I are moving forward with our plans for world domination. In the photo below, I am leading a meeting with my (adopted) brother Snickers, and our friend Jose to map our strategy. My brother and I already have control over the humans we live with and I think we can get a message through the miniature schnauzer network to get their humans under the same control. Eventually we can spread our plan to the entire “domesticated” canine community. As a last resort we might even consider recruiting some cats (ick) to help us. Cats appear to really have humans under their paws.

 

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One of our humans caught us in the process of planning and photographed it! We need privacy!

Our Simple Demands

You humans can slow the progress towards canine domination if you meet a few of our simple demands:

  1. Enough with the leashes, we want to walk where we want to walk, when we want to walk there, and sniff wherever we please
  2. When we need to be petted or scratched, you will need to do so until your hand goes numb and only then may you stop (maybe)
  3. Dog food? We don’t care about organic dog food and all that crap. We want what YOU are eating. So if you are having a nice meatloaf and mashed potatoes dinner as your meal, then that is the same meal that should also be in our bowl
  4. If you do not make quilts or afghans then you learn immediately how to make them  or find a connection to get many of them as possible for your house. Quilts and afghans are the natural habitat of miniature schnauzers, we cannot properly relax without these basic life necessities

I end my post for this week with these above demands, do not consider them too lightly, Sassy

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Napping

I want to discuss a very important topic that does not  get much attention: Napping. Yes, keeping an eye on neighborhood cats from my window bench while laying on a pile of folded quilts is important, however even more important is perfecting my napping skills. I like to think of myself as a “Professional Napper”. If there were a national certification in “Nap-ology” I am certain I would be among the first to get certified. Just  imagine the rigorous exam to become a Certified Nap-ologist – I wonder just how long you have to sleep in a cozy position in order to pass the exam.

I think if more humans spent more time napping they would be happier. Sure, of course you have to do those important human things that provide food in my dog bowl, a roof over my head, and a nice chair for me to lay on and watch my favorite TV shows (all you humans are silly if you do not think dogs have evolved to enjoy TV also – NCIS is my favorite show!). But when you are not providing for my every needs, you could spend the time taking a nice cozy nap!

I have included some photos of some of my Napping Masterpieces to inspire you to GET NAPPING!

For awhile I have been working on perfecting the “recliner footrest” nap, I think I have mastered it:

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Let’s be honest, quilts, especially hand-made ones, are best for napping:

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Just because a quilt is not finished, does not mean you cannot take a nap on it (even it is hanging from the iron board waiting for a human to finishing pressing it):

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Sometimes I need my humans entire pillow, not just a corner of it, for a good nap:

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And finally, my adopted brother Snickers and I in a “bilateral napping” masterpiece:

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